This Just 'In': What's In For Fall!
Nothing in life is more important than being IN.
Whether it's snatching the right kind of studded belt is going to catch the eye of that Nick Jonas look-a-like, or just safe in the tiny cave where hungry polar bears can't fit, science tells us that sticking with what's now and what's in is the only way to be. And no one knows more about the in crowd that us, the bad girls of Bad Girls Island!
Not every girl can be like us and instinctively know the difference between chic and fab and lame and drab, and while to the best of our knowledge this isn't a disability you can get Social security for yet (that bill has been held up in Congress for months now, our BGI Capitol Hill spies tell us), it is something that could mean the difference for your entire life's happiness.
So thank your lucky tube of Kiehl's #1 Vanilla Lip Balm that we were put on this earth in the first place so that your life didn't fall into shambles BGI Girls, because get ready for the official BGI Fall IN List!
IN: Having friends
Remember last fall when emo chic was all the rage? Sure BGI, you could sit in your favorite Starbucks drinking your fave nonfat orange chai tea latte and pretend to write deep poetry and cut yourself in public places. However, not only did it make your parents worry you were suicidal from your Twitter account, but all that not showering got you that written warning at work and the nickname "Smellparts McPitstain of Warmtrashdonia " that just can't seem to shake. So this year, we're putting having friends back on the IN List. Not only will friends tells that your thong is hanging out, but they will also give you hip tips on mascara and hold your hand the next time you have an unexpected pregnancy. Just make sure that they're attractive enough to party with you without bringing down your GQ (Glamour Quotient) but not going to out-hot you on the dancefloor!
IN: Baby Number Two
No, BGI we don't mean the Baby Number Two that you are faced with every morning from you baby, we mean, having a second child! Remember that old Greek Myth about Sisyphus? We don't either, mythology is for geeks. But our point is this: You want to be good enough, and the only way to do that is to keep on rolling that rock uphill. Sure, you finally became a real woman when you got married, but we all know that being a mother is the only way to unlock the secrets of the woman universe. You sealed the Woman Deal when you went through an amazing, beautiful pregnancy that you totally felt like a sexy, natural woman during, and you've lost that baby weight in no time flat (thanks, breastfeeding!) and now you've seemingly got it all, right? Wrong. Research tells us that women who only have one child are 45% less happy and glamorous than women with two children. And look at Angelina, her hotness nearly QUADRUPLED every time she had another baby! Having only one child is so 2002. Get with the times and get your second baby, because being a real woman means NEVER being satisfied with what you have.
IN: Faux Fur
We know what you're thinking, "OMG BGI, the next thing you're going to say is that pleather is good enough!" Well we're obviously not saying that, don't put words in our blog and shut your fat whore mouth (JK, luv u!). The environment and green things are all the rage, and faux fur is the way for you to win major points with the Greenpeace crowd and catch the eye of that Chace Crawford-in-Bikenstocks you've been crushing on all summer. Faux fur is going to be everywhere this fall, from jackets, to merkins, to fake eyelashes! Last year we told you that the ultimate splurge would be on that Phillip Lim authentic Bulgarian Mink cape/tent, but this year it's all about being aware of the world and animals, and recognizing that making sure other people think you care is the only way to go.
IN: Bagels
JK, BGI Girl!
...But seriously, bagels are absolutely NOT in, they're like injecting your body with fat pills that suck away your lovability while they turn your organs into toxic waste.
Stay tuned to this space for more fresh and fun ideas for making the most out of being a person with the ladyparts. Also watch this space at the end of fall for, you guessed it, the only place to go for WHAT'S IN FOR WINTER!
Whether it's snatching the right kind of studded belt is going to catch the eye of that Nick Jonas look-a-like, or just safe in the tiny cave where hungry polar bears can't fit, science tells us that sticking with what's now and what's in is the only way to be. And no one knows more about the in crowd that us, the bad girls of Bad Girls Island!
Not every girl can be like us and instinctively know the difference between chic and fab and lame and drab, and while to the best of our knowledge this isn't a disability you can get Social security for yet (that bill has been held up in Congress for months now, our BGI Capitol Hill spies tell us), it is something that could mean the difference for your entire life's happiness.
So thank your lucky tube of Kiehl's #1 Vanilla Lip Balm that we were put on this earth in the first place so that your life didn't fall into shambles BGI Girls, because get ready for the official BGI Fall IN List!
IN: Having friends
Remember last fall when emo chic was all the rage? Sure BGI, you could sit in your favorite Starbucks drinking your fave nonfat orange chai tea latte and pretend to write deep poetry and cut yourself in public places. However, not only did it make your parents worry you were suicidal from your Twitter account, but all that not showering got you that written warning at work and the nickname "Smellparts McPitstain of Warmtrashdonia " that just can't seem to shake. So this year, we're putting having friends back on the IN List. Not only will friends tells that your thong is hanging out, but they will also give you hip tips on mascara and hold your hand the next time you have an unexpected pregnancy. Just make sure that they're attractive enough to party with you without bringing down your GQ (Glamour Quotient) but not going to out-hot you on the dancefloor!
IN: Baby Number Two
No, BGI we don't mean the Baby Number Two that you are faced with every morning from you baby, we mean, having a second child! Remember that old Greek Myth about Sisyphus? We don't either, mythology is for geeks. But our point is this: You want to be good enough, and the only way to do that is to keep on rolling that rock uphill. Sure, you finally became a real woman when you got married, but we all know that being a mother is the only way to unlock the secrets of the woman universe. You sealed the Woman Deal when you went through an amazing, beautiful pregnancy that you totally felt like a sexy, natural woman during, and you've lost that baby weight in no time flat (thanks, breastfeeding!) and now you've seemingly got it all, right? Wrong. Research tells us that women who only have one child are 45% less happy and glamorous than women with two children. And look at Angelina, her hotness nearly QUADRUPLED every time she had another baby! Having only one child is so 2002. Get with the times and get your second baby, because being a real woman means NEVER being satisfied with what you have.
IN: Faux Fur
We know what you're thinking, "OMG BGI, the next thing you're going to say is that pleather is good enough!" Well we're obviously not saying that, don't put words in our blog and shut your fat whore mouth (JK, luv u!). The environment and green things are all the rage, and faux fur is the way for you to win major points with the Greenpeace crowd and catch the eye of that Chace Crawford-in-Bikenstocks you've been crushing on all summer. Faux fur is going to be everywhere this fall, from jackets, to merkins, to fake eyelashes! Last year we told you that the ultimate splurge would be on that Phillip Lim authentic Bulgarian Mink cape/tent, but this year it's all about being aware of the world and animals, and recognizing that making sure other people think you care is the only way to go.
IN: Bagels
JK, BGI Girl!
...But seriously, bagels are absolutely NOT in, they're like injecting your body with fat pills that suck away your lovability while they turn your organs into toxic waste.
Stay tuned to this space for more fresh and fun ideas for making the most out of being a person with the ladyparts. Also watch this space at the end of fall for, you guessed it, the only place to go for WHAT'S IN FOR WINTER!
0 comments:
Post a Comment