HO-liday Prep Time!!!!!!
We're back after a relaxing extended staycation in Promises for stress and refusing to eat. We gotta say that was one of the bestest of times we spent with our besties, crying, screaming, and tattling on each other for sneaking cosmotinis in. It was like SATC3 only way more fashionable!
Anyhoots (our roomie Gigi taught us that, Shout out to GIGI-LICIOUS) it's time for our prepping for the holidays installment of BGIghtiousness!! As any loyal BGItch would know, Halloween is a totes imports holiday because you gets to be charitable by giving candy to children, thus starting the yo-yo dieting cycle at the right time, AND, most importantly, deciding on that all important Halloween costume should have started in July, while you were still sweating off your winter weight (if you swallow) and we were trapped in a massage chain with the girls from the cutting unit (srsly, scars, gross).
Having the perfectness of perfect Halloween costume is a sure fire way to ensure you have a FABOOSH halloween night filled with tricks (the money making kind) and treats (the money making kind). So sit back, relax, put on your most comfortable extra-small jeggings (it's the weekend, you deserve to be cozy-comfs) and follow this simple formula for dressing your sluttiest....spookiest...no, sluttiest.
BGI-dvise 1: Ask yourself, which celeb is currently crazy? Who has been photoged without undies or kissing someone from the Jersey Shore? The first celeb that comes to mind is a good choice for your costume. HOWEVS!!! Since your friends are uncreative bitches (srsly, you know who you are) they will likely come up with this same costume idea. SO, as a smart BGItch, your must go with the second celeb that meets the above questions. Now, you have almost a month to think about this so take your time, we'll be here.
BGI-dvise 2: The sexy animal formula. What is cuter than an ador-a-ble kitten? A slutty kitten. This costume is way easy ladies. Just think of an animal that is super cutes and then make it your own! If you are one of our prude readers (you know who you are, size smalls) you can also call yourself a "naughty" animal rather than slutty. Examples include, slutty spider, naughty emu, and streetwalking banana slug.
BGI-dvise 3: French maid
BGI-dvise 4: Naughty librarian
BGI-dvise 5: Group costume time! Since we already know any savvy BGI reader will be out on Halloween (and Arbor Day, and the Solstice, and Boxing Day, and Tuesday) with her bestest of best bestie mcbestersons, it makes sooooo much sense to be dressed in a theme so EVERYONE knows the group of sobbing, drunk, pilled out, ounces of fun are out together!!!! Just make sure you all agree on a FABALICIOUS theme and that none of your friends look better than you. Srsly, cut their faces if you have to. We learned that in Promises.
Now get out there and get you some Spooky Spirit! We think the guy in the 2nd Street alley has the best spirit, if you know what I mean. Which you totes do, BGItch!!! Kisses!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyhoots (our roomie Gigi taught us that, Shout out to GIGI-LICIOUS) it's time for our prepping for the holidays installment of BGIghtiousness!! As any loyal BGItch would know, Halloween is a totes imports holiday because you gets to be charitable by giving candy to children, thus starting the yo-yo dieting cycle at the right time, AND, most importantly, deciding on that all important Halloween costume should have started in July, while you were still sweating off your winter weight (if you swallow) and we were trapped in a massage chain with the girls from the cutting unit (srsly, scars, gross).
Having the perfectness of perfect Halloween costume is a sure fire way to ensure you have a FABOOSH halloween night filled with tricks (the money making kind) and treats (the money making kind). So sit back, relax, put on your most comfortable extra-small jeggings (it's the weekend, you deserve to be cozy-comfs) and follow this simple formula for dressing your sluttiest....spookiest...no, sluttiest.
BGI-dvise 1: Ask yourself, which celeb is currently crazy? Who has been photoged without undies or kissing someone from the Jersey Shore? The first celeb that comes to mind is a good choice for your costume. HOWEVS!!! Since your friends are uncreative bitches (srsly, you know who you are) they will likely come up with this same costume idea. SO, as a smart BGItch, your must go with the second celeb that meets the above questions. Now, you have almost a month to think about this so take your time, we'll be here.
BGI-dvise 2: The sexy animal formula. What is cuter than an ador-a-ble kitten? A slutty kitten. This costume is way easy ladies. Just think of an animal that is super cutes and then make it your own! If you are one of our prude readers (you know who you are, size smalls) you can also call yourself a "naughty" animal rather than slutty. Examples include, slutty spider, naughty emu, and streetwalking banana slug.
BGI-dvise 3: French maid
BGI-dvise 4: Naughty librarian
BGI-dvise 5: Group costume time! Since we already know any savvy BGI reader will be out on Halloween (and Arbor Day, and the Solstice, and Boxing Day, and Tuesday) with her bestest of best bestie mcbestersons, it makes sooooo much sense to be dressed in a theme so EVERYONE knows the group of sobbing, drunk, pilled out, ounces of fun are out together!!!! Just make sure you all agree on a FABALICIOUS theme and that none of your friends look better than you. Srsly, cut their faces if you have to. We learned that in Promises.
Now get out there and get you some Spooky Spirit! We think the guy in the 2nd Street alley has the best spirit, if you know what I mean. Which you totes do, BGItch!!! Kisses!!!!!!!!!!!