More About Us...

We are four fierce and fab females who created BGI for you ladies to vent and learn how to function in normal situations because you obviously don't know what guys find appealing without a "hot or not" list. We're lucky enough to have been born this way. So get ready to learn how to get a killer armpit shave while simultaneously giving a man an amazing orgasm because no one knows this shit better than the bitches of Bad Girl's Island!

Bad Girl, Good Advice

Not happy with your BF's manscaping skills? Tired of your roomie obessing that her nail beds are too fat? Send your questions to our no-nonsense advice columnist and get ready to ditch your life coach for the fiercest BGI bitch on the block. She's a certified crush-ologist, was the first to predict that Bennifer couldn't last, and is perfect in everyway you are not. Submit your questions now at twitter.com/badgirlsisland!

Slim Down The Bad Girls Island Way!

Hey BGI Gal!

Too many Lean Cuisines and not enough Crystal Light this summer? Time to trim that plushy frame of yours back to Bad Girls Island standards! Keep these 5 tips in mind, and your bod will be back to hottie status in no time!

1. Toss all that pesky solid food from your cupboards! If you can chew it, it can go right to your hips! And let's face it, your hips are huge enough as it is.

2. Restaurant tip: Order iced tea but eat off the plates of your friends. It's not fattening if you didn't pay for it!

3. Stock your purse with 100 calorie snack packs. This is the only acceptable way to consume any amount of calories.

4. Plaster your cubicle with pictures of the food you REALLY want to be eating. Pretty soon your brain will think you ACTUALLY consumed that Ruby Tuesday's burger!

5. Only eat every three days. And when you do eat, make sure it's green, leafy vegetables. That come in 100 calorie packs. (See #3).

Follow this diet plan and you'll be back to your pre-slob weight in a flash. Here's to you, BGI Girl!

What to look for in the man of your dreams.

Ok ladies,

It's time to put on your thinking caps and decide what that special someone in you life should have. I don't mean characteristics or qualities, because, let's face it, who gives a rats ass if he's intelligent? No one sees that when your man candy is walking down the street! Here's some pointers for spotting the guy who will boost your innate value.



1. Hair - a shellacked look is an ideal reflection of a guys soul. The more Axe product a man has in his locks the better. Trust me, you want to see that shiny mane glinting in the sun from miles away. On that note, let's move on to...



2. Sunglasses - Your life partner should have a minimum of two pairs of aviator frames and at least one pair of up to the minute fashion in eye wear. This is important so you can gaze upon his gloriousness while simultaneously checking for food in your teeth. Also, a good pair of aviator lenses will protect his eyesight from the sparkle his hair puts forth. Your man must wear his shades at all times, both indoors and outdoors. Nothing says "I am the epitome of cool" like wearing shades during dinner at Jakes.



3. Clothing - A man's shirt is a reflection of his current emotional state. For example, a polo with a popped collar says "I'm the sensitive guy you want sitting in the living room with your dad, drinking beers and talking about the glory days of bagging babes" combined with flip flops (or "mandals" as any marriage worthy guy should call them), this look says, "I'm sensitive to your needs and care about puppies and other shit". Any shirt that contains one or all of the following: leopard print, pink stitching, velour, gold lame, references to drinking or penis size, or Ed Hardy, is a sure sign that this man just broke up with his latest ho and is looking for a lifetime commitment at the local club. This man will not only rub his crotch vigorously on you and call it "dancing", he will most likely buy you a fancy cocktail (ie, a "pantydropper").



4. Drinking - Any man that offers to buy you a shot is pure gold. In order to keep his eyes only on you (for at least 5 minutes) it is best to order a shot that indicates your talents in either Sapphic experimentation or oral pleasure. To that end. please memorize the following sentences to utilize when clubbing with the future father of your children. "Hey girls! Let's do some body shots! WOOOOOOOO!" or "I want to try a Blow Job shot just to see if I can do it with no hands (giggle). WOOOOOOO!"



Now be warned ladies, in order to keep a man of this stature in your life you must prepare yourself. You must never ever be seen without full makeup and hair. Nails shorter than half an inch are unacceptable. You must be prepared to share his glory with other women (don't worry, he loves you, that's why you guys don't need to use a condom) while simultaneously keeping yourself entirely devoted to him. Vomiting and/or urinating in your bed is a sign of trust and eternal commitment.



I hope this has been helpful in your quest for true love. Keep at it ladies and you too will have an Abercrombie and Fitch assistant manager of your very own someday.

5 Ways to Get a Hot Summer Hook-up

Summer is almost over BGI girl and from the looks of things we need to up the desperation factor in order for you to snag a man. Our overwhelmingly superior, beautiful, happy, fertile, and successful writers have put together this list to help you maximize your makey-outy moves!

1. Rub some mayo, eggs, and vinegar in your hair. Not only will it give your tresses a super sassy sexy smoldery savvy simple shine but it will make you smell like a salad which will remind him of food. Double win!

2. Tape a picture of Megan Fox to your face. What guy can resist this sex kitten? Meow!

3. While out at a bar with your closest besties simply cross one leg over the other, flip your tresses, look at your fingernails constantly, and swivel your head back and forth like you are silently saying "Oh no she didn't!" Guys are very visual and with this body language you will have his digits in no time!

4. No time for a pedicure and you are bound to run into Mr. Hotbod Handsomeface? Don't stress, just grab 400 salt packets from the cafeteria and combine them with the oil in the orange peel from your lunch. Instant pedi!
Bonus tip: Splash some of the juice from the orange on your face to enhance the glow of your skin.

5. Get really drunk.

Now go get 'em BGI girl!

From the Editor

Welcome to the inaugural issue of Bad Girl's Island the Magazine! This blog (or blogazine as I like to call it) is a forum for you sassy sexy ladies to vent and learn how to function in totally normal situations because you obviously can't figure out what guys find appealing without some kind of countdown or list. So get ready to learn how to get a killer armpit shave while simultaneously giving a man the most amazing orgasm of his life because no one knows this shit better than the bitches of Bad Girl's Island!

Bad Girl's Island Staff Bios

Meet the brains behind the blogazine

Katy
Katy’s flare for the fabulous was destined from birth because she is the love child of world famous fashion designer Jean Lacriouax and a super model who accidentally ovulated once. Her glamour quotient steadily rose through her youth but it wasn’t until her teenage years when she personally talked Marc Jacobs out of putting shoulder pads in his new collection that people really began to appreciate her genius. Katy attended Ivy university and graduated maxima cum laude with a triple major in fashion, astrology, and greatness. In addition to schooling burgeoning Bad Girl’s in Training she is a certified dudevorce mediator, was Perez Hilton’s phone a friend on Celebrity Millionaire, and is single-handedly spearheading a movement to retroactively give Jennifer Grey a nose job in “Dirty Dancing” so young impressional youth won’t get the wrong idea. Katy’s intrests include shaming people, drinking coffee while chain smoking, and using Lattise.

Pamela
When Pamela was born, legend has it that she held the secret for losing weight while still eating carbs, and the rest of her life has only improved the world more. Her tutelage in fashion began at an early age, graduating at the top of her class in fabulousness in record time, and her senior thesis on "Who Wore It Best?" is said to have been responsible for decreasing the hole in the ozone layer by 32%. Her interests include: Moisturizer, crushing on Nick Jonas look-a-likes, drinking cosmos and gossiping with her besties, keeping food journals, Keira Knightley, and bringing fab fashionable fierceness to the world.

Sarah
Resident sex-ologist Sarah is a man-crazy crush-a-holic who has more than one trick up her sleeve when it comes to snagging a man! But just because this babealicious diva is perfect from the feet up doesn't mean she's a slut! Let Sarah's rote memorization of the Kama Sutra and expertise in perfect scrunchie/scrotum placement take you and your man to Pleasure Town every time! Sarah has never had hair grow in inappropriate places and has been banned from several hip cocktail bars for causing too many head-turning related man-injuries. Before landing on Bad Girl's Island, Sarah pioneered the world famous rancho pirate bend-and-flex, and she is the leading expert in the field of downlow workplace fellatio. Sarah's interests include Activia, creating multiple uses for leggings, Blake Lively's Apple Pie with Splenda fragrance, being better than you, and Sugar-Free Mango Tango Bubbalicious.

Chippy Chick
Chippy Chick got her education in fabulousness at the feet of her always fashionable and glamourous babysitter. She completed her education in accessorizing to perfection at Rayray's School of Cosmetology in Queens, NY and has worked in all things fabulous, fun, and fashionable since she was in middle school. Ms. Chick has worked at BGI since the beginning as a contributor for the beautification of the world. She once almost got into a bar fight with Lindsay Lohan over the last blue drink umbrella but quickly stepped out of the fight because blue is soooo last season. Chippy loves to cook and has perfected a secret recipe for the maple syrup cleanse (shh!).
 
Template Modified and Brought to you by : AllBlogTools.com blogger templates