Bad Girls' Good Advice - Post #1!
We here at Bad Girls Island are always getting asked advice from troubled BGITs (Bad Girls In Training) about how to solve life’s toughest problems, and how to up their fabulous from a Level Lohan to Level Klum, and obvs we know all about how to use the glamour compass to find the true north of sassy and eventually reach the continental divide of, you guessed it, Bad Girls Island (population: us!)
So what’s a BGI Girl to do when life throws some way tricky dilemms? Put down the full fat cream cheese and stop cutting (in visible places), BGI Girl, because now you can get real answers to your to your trickiest troubles causing not-hot age lines!
Presenting our newest feature, Bad Girl’s Good Advice!
A few deets on our way rad advice columnist: She is a way savvy, sexy, flirty, fabulous bad girl who has a doctorate in jiggy with a master’s in sassy with a special concentration in straight talk! She always eats well balanced meals and has never had a split end ever (as if we’d want advice from people who didn’t live the ultimate Bad Girls Island lifestyle!
So let’s get right to the first round of questions, submitted by our readers in need of three-hook 24-hour underwire EMOTIONAL support!
Dear BGI:
I’m a 23 year old BGI devotee who just can’t seem to drop those last five pounds to fit into my new BCBG size 0 turquoise skinny jeans! I do everything, I diet, I exercise, but it just doesn’t work! My boyfriend of three weeks dumped me last week and I just know it’s because of my hideous extra poundage! My best girlfriends are telling me that I’m way hot and that I don’t need to lose any weight, and my Facebook pics always get a lot of “likes” from my main gays, but I just know something’s wrong! What do I do? – Kaitlyn, 23, Long Island
Dear Kaitlyn,
First of all, you better heed my advice soon, because our BGI Style Forecasters are predicting that turquoise will be SO out for fall, and true BGI devotees are always working on being an It Girl, but whoever heard of aspiring to be an OUT girl?
Also, you have to remember that at your age your body is starting to store weight in your tummy and rear end in preparation for dying, which is what we know from science, and is also probably why you lost that Nick Jonas look-a-like, all that weight has him thinking about death, which is totally NOT a turn-on!
But there’s good news out there too, science isn’t always right. There are a ton of way hot celebrites at a totally healthy weight even though they’re way old. How could this be?
If you want to fit into those jeans – and win back that major hottie you missed out on – you should remember that the inability to lose weight is connected to your value as a person. Good people simply don’t gain weight, and our research has shown that, time and time again. Angelina Jolie is often photographed hanging around poor people and went to Africa that time to be around the hungry African children, and she’s always super-fit (except for that time when she was pregnant, but we all go through dark times). Even way old celebs like Cate Blanchett are always at a healthy, curvy weight, and she portrayed Queen Elizabeth, and other historical people, which is way educating.
Also, stay away from the B-to-the-itches in your life who are obvs trying to sabotage you by telling you not to look your best. Real friends would agree that your weight is just about disgusting, and that you absolutely need to be less Rubenesque – more like REUBEN-esque! Clearly your besties want you to be bigger so THEY can look smaller, which is a totes brills way look thinner, so try turning the tables on them by simple tricks like replacing their Diet Coke cans with full fattening Coke, surprising them at work with donuts, or drugging them with sedatives and intravenously injecting them with butter!
Following these tips are the only way to be, so get out there and be the best you possible!
If you have a question that you’d like to see answered by our amazing Bad Girl’s advice column, Twitter us at, you guessed it: twitter.com/BadGirlsIsland!
So what’s a BGI Girl to do when life throws some way tricky dilemms? Put down the full fat cream cheese and stop cutting (in visible places), BGI Girl, because now you can get real answers to your to your trickiest troubles causing not-hot age lines!
Presenting our newest feature, Bad Girl’s Good Advice!
A few deets on our way rad advice columnist: She is a way savvy, sexy, flirty, fabulous bad girl who has a doctorate in jiggy with a master’s in sassy with a special concentration in straight talk! She always eats well balanced meals and has never had a split end ever (as if we’d want advice from people who didn’t live the ultimate Bad Girls Island lifestyle!
So let’s get right to the first round of questions, submitted by our readers in need of three-hook 24-hour underwire EMOTIONAL support!
Dear BGI:
I’m a 23 year old BGI devotee who just can’t seem to drop those last five pounds to fit into my new BCBG size 0 turquoise skinny jeans! I do everything, I diet, I exercise, but it just doesn’t work! My boyfriend of three weeks dumped me last week and I just know it’s because of my hideous extra poundage! My best girlfriends are telling me that I’m way hot and that I don’t need to lose any weight, and my Facebook pics always get a lot of “likes” from my main gays, but I just know something’s wrong! What do I do? – Kaitlyn, 23, Long Island
Dear Kaitlyn,
First of all, you better heed my advice soon, because our BGI Style Forecasters are predicting that turquoise will be SO out for fall, and true BGI devotees are always working on being an It Girl, but whoever heard of aspiring to be an OUT girl?
Also, you have to remember that at your age your body is starting to store weight in your tummy and rear end in preparation for dying, which is what we know from science, and is also probably why you lost that Nick Jonas look-a-like, all that weight has him thinking about death, which is totally NOT a turn-on!
But there’s good news out there too, science isn’t always right. There are a ton of way hot celebrites at a totally healthy weight even though they’re way old. How could this be?
If you want to fit into those jeans – and win back that major hottie you missed out on – you should remember that the inability to lose weight is connected to your value as a person. Good people simply don’t gain weight, and our research has shown that, time and time again. Angelina Jolie is often photographed hanging around poor people and went to Africa that time to be around the hungry African children, and she’s always super-fit (except for that time when she was pregnant, but we all go through dark times). Even way old celebs like Cate Blanchett are always at a healthy, curvy weight, and she portrayed Queen Elizabeth, and other historical people, which is way educating.
Also, stay away from the B-to-the-itches in your life who are obvs trying to sabotage you by telling you not to look your best. Real friends would agree that your weight is just about disgusting, and that you absolutely need to be less Rubenesque – more like REUBEN-esque! Clearly your besties want you to be bigger so THEY can look smaller, which is a totes brills way look thinner, so try turning the tables on them by simple tricks like replacing their Diet Coke cans with full fattening Coke, surprising them at work with donuts, or drugging them with sedatives and intravenously injecting them with butter!
Following these tips are the only way to be, so get out there and be the best you possible!
If you have a question that you’d like to see answered by our amazing Bad Girl’s advice column, Twitter us at, you guessed it: twitter.com/BadGirlsIsland!
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