Bad Girl's Island

100 Calorie Packs : Any fabulous fun fresh and fantastic girl should know these are a full meal.100 calorie packs should be consumed with a triple tall, double whipped, no cal soy latte with extra foam. For those extra indulgent days, 100 calorie packs (check your local grocery store in the "snacks" aisle) can be eaten with three carrots or a stick of celery. YUM!

BGI- Bad Girls Island: Your source for all things fashion, fun, fabulous, and perfect. Those of us on the BGI team have reached true perfection in all areas of our life. Our mission is to share our knowledge with the world, in hopes of weeding out the uglies and the fatties.

BGI Girl - Our incredibly loyal readers who are slowly working on beautifying the world, one skinny jean and perfect eyeliner job at a time.

BGIHQ-Bad Girl's Island Head Quarters: The uber secrect and oh so fabulous lair that is the birthplace of all things fashionable and flirty. Entry requires a personal invitation marked in blood by the founding foursome as well as a pre-entry personal style consult with Rachel Zoe. Uglies need not apply.

BGIsdom: A term that has a dual meaning. Both the wisdom of BGItches and a state in which one may find themselves after a particularly enthusiastic makey outy session wherein one's Mr. Hotbod Handsomeface uses your face as target practice for his love juice.

Fatty McLosercaboose : A seriously gross person. Usually found in the cubicle next to you at your temp job. FM's are easily identified by their last season shoes, sandwich consumption, and talk of things such as "teenage sons, suburbs, and Lipton Iced Tea" watch out for these women, they will tell you 100 calorie packs are a great snack and the Jonas brothers look sooo young. Scratch their eyes out whenever possible.

Glossy Tresses : Something you should have on your head at all times. Hair is something that should be shiny, sassy, and sleek always. For the latest in hair perfection techniques, subscribe now to BGI!!! No seriously, your hair needs help and we can fix it. Hair is a reflection on the quality of your soul.

Leggings: Totes hot as pants! A true BGI girl can wear leggings without camel toe, butt sweat, or visible fat!

Math: We don't know what this means. But we do know that BGI + Magazine = The Bestest!!

Mr. Hotbod Handsomeface: The dreamiest of swoony boys. Only real BGI Girls can snag this man as he is the only acceptable guy for any of you to be seen with. Revamp his wardrobe and make him ditch all his loser friends! Don't forget to make him feel bad for not reading your mind!

Rancho Pirate Bend and Flex: The premiere hot n' heavy make out move.

Science: We don't know what this means either. Srsly.

Unitards: Why wear two pieces of clothing when you could wear one?! Unleash your inner Gaga and rock this look harder than LiLo going into convulsions from combining RoHIPnol and 2 hair flips at any BGI-approved Hollywood nightclub.

Pop Quiz time, BGI Girls: What gets in the way of getting to your fave weekday morning Pilates class but gets you your weekly Wet Seal fix? Give up? It's your job!

Now we all know that being the fun, flirty, glossy and glamorous BGI girl is a full time job in itself, and everyone knows that every woman in the world works in a cubicle and eats 100 calorie snack packs while secretly doing Kegels and girl push ups on their lunch breaks. But that's not all that fierce and fabulous ladies have in common. We also have to work in other offices with ladies who, let's face it, are bitch roadblocks on the Fierce Highway to Glamorville. Think of them like beta blockers, when your betas need to not be!

We here at BGI know that there are a ton of un-glamorous people who are the creepy incestuous murderers slashing your tires in the "Hills Have Eyes" of your life, so we here have a guide for recognizing - and dealing with - what we here at BGIHQ like to call the Big Four of office downers.

TMI Lady: Nothing creates premature age lines quite like the woman in the cube next to you that is just "blah blah blah me me me me " all day long - and believe us, L'Oreal Paris does NOT make a serum for this! She's talked to you about her latest pap smear, how long it took her to find her Wet N' Wild Creme Blush, and her son's latest hospitalization. Our best advice is to start a blog, because everyone knows that lame people should be talked about in a public forum, and no amount of looking away, not responding, or other super assertive ways of getting her to stop is going to work. Think of it like you're Jane Goodall and TMIL is the gorilla - isn't the world a better place now that we know more about that stuff?

Target Target: We all know this woman. She buys everything from Target (including her new maxi dress, who she's going around telling everyone is Max Azria, although she's failing to mention it's Max Azria - for TARGET! Total lie!), and has the nerve to ask you if your new Marc Jacobs bag was from there. Well BGI, poor people like this are out there. They're not like us, who heart Target for the way cute going out tops you can wear once and for the 2-for-1 sale on Nads, they depend on Target for EVERYTHING. The best thing to do is to give them loose change, clean syringes if you have them, and oftentimes throwing the plastic-wrapped Saltine crackers you get with soup away from you is enough to get them away.

Menopausal Mom: Who are the people in the office who has never seen Gossip Girl AND still uses Sweet N Low? Chances are these are not two different people, it's usually Menopausal Lady. She still works even though she's well over 32, kind of smells like your grandma's linen closet, and she is always amazed by how shiny your hair is (clearly you've been following our tips, Gold Star, BGI!). It's true that she talks about her grandsons all the time, and she's always trying to invite you to backgammon games, which can be such a drag (I mean, doesn't she realize that Saturdays are 3 for 1 tequila shots night??). Time to flip it around, BGI! Remember that ML hasn't been a real woman in decades, probably, and your fresh and flirty style are way enviable. Just soak up all that positive attention (and try to ignore those desperate awkward laughs when she talks about how close to death she is)! Plus ML never misses an episode of American Idol, so when she tries to talk about her favorite episode of Two And A Half Men, you can always distract her with a subtle Bo Bice reference.

Skanky McCopyRoom: You all know this skank. She's the one who goes super ultra overboard on her Britney Spears perfume and spends most of the morning at the copy machine next to the Nick Jonas look-a-like that you're totally crushing on.

This isn't an easy one, BGI girl. What this woman has secretly done is challenge you to a Battle of the Scents, and the victor is always the one with the best fragrance. We have fragrance mixologists on staff 24-7 here at BGIHQ, and they have developed a FOOL PROOF flow chart for out-smelling Fruity McMagazineSample. The secret is choosing the RIGHT celebrity fragance to out-fresh-scent her.

Think of it like the food chain if you catch your workplace rival in one of these fragrances, choose the next highest option and domination - and hotties - are yours:

Jessica Simpson's "Ponies" --> gets trumped by --> Sarah Jessica Parker's "Meadows" ---> Blake Lively's "Apple Pie Made with Splenda"---> Whitney Houston's "I Swear It's Not Crack It's Just Some Flour I Got On My Bathroom Sink From When I Made Bread In There That Time Because The Crock Pot Took Up The Counterspace I Wanted"

That's all for today, BGI Girl. Remember, keep it low carb and glossy! TTYL!